@fred_dog: Do you know how many poisonous apples I'd have to give out before I was considered to be the fairest in the land?
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@shimmala: My kids are gonna be super disappointed when they find out sweet talk involves no exchange of tangible confectionary goods.
@AndyAsAdjective: How was your day? -You know in Die Hard when he runs barefoot over broken glass? That bad? -Oh no. It's just a cool scene. My day was decent
@juskewitch: If I see a parked car with one of those stick figure family things, I always add a sticker of myself to it and then just wait in the car.
@seriouslyamy: 3 days ago I put a sign on my door that said "I'll be back in 20 minutes". Nobody has bothered me since and I'm never taking it down.