@rachelle_mandik: Do you know what really makes me smile? Facial muscles.
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@PajamaStew: "Welcome to the future. Let me show you around. Here's the bathroom. This is a robot that we invented that screams at your wet hands."
@Playing_Dad: Me: You want to watch a horror movie for Halloween? Dog: Sure, put it on Me: *turns on Dyson vacuum infomercial*
@drewjanda: Imagine a spider. Scary, right? Wrong. This spider is imaginary. Really makes you think
@samalmightysam: I wanted to kill myself by drinking 100 beers, but when I finished my second one, I felt much better.