@omgthatspunny: Do you know why the Little Mermaid wears seashells? Because A and B shells were too small
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@Tups13: Don't hesitate when you come to a fork in the road. Be bold. Pick that fork up and take it home. Free cutlery!
@sarcasm_inc: Men used to slay dragons, and here I am shuffling around like a penguin with my pants around my ankles looking for extra toilet paper.
@apollilaire: i order a pizza online and under special requests i write: "tell me the meaning of life". when the door bell rings there's only an empty box