@StansaidAirport: Do you like freezing to death and knocking down trees with your face? Well why not book a skiing holiday?
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@Papa_Mex: Wow some neighbors really freak out when they wake up on a Sunday morning and find me making myself some pancakes in their kitchen
@StayNobody: *Sees son doing homework* What u doing? "Math, it's due Friday" *I slowly crumple the paper and put it in my mouth* They'll never believe u
@thejessbess: This guy at speed dating asked if I have any weird tattoos I was like lol not if you love The Golden Girls.
@LeonEarlgrey: Haloween is over, but i just saw a group of people dressed up as the ghosts of the Cone Heads.