@samalmightysam: Do you like water? Yes? Well, then you already like 60% to 70% of me.
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@squirrel74wkgn: *looks over back shoulder* *puts car in reverse* Wife: OH MY GOD *slams brakes* Me: WHAT? Wife: Becky just posted the cutest picture
@NoTheOtherJohn: PILOT: This isn't funny, Ed. Let me in COPILOT: *over intercom* Hey everyone, who'd like to hear a passage from the captain's dream journal?