@samalmightysam: Do you like water? Yes? Well, then you already like 60% to 70% of me.
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@JustUnstableMe: Boss: Where's the progress report I asked u for Me: I haven't made any progress that's my report What I imagine it'd be like if I had a job
@HannahB_15: Who decides which tweets go viral and which ones don't?? I have been putting out quality content for YEARS and I'm starting to understand how Leonardo DiCaprio felt waiting for his Oscar.
@GrantTanaka: [answers doorbell] me: omg mark zuckerberg: [swinging nunchucks in a mildly threatening way] what u got against notifications, bruh