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@NotARatsAss: "Do you need a ride?"
Me, to every jogger I pass in my car
@pittdave13: For the last time I said CAULK, I need black CAULK.
This isn't funny, what isle is it in
@ddsmidt: A fight or flight situation.
Like when you go to pick up your kid and the teacher's walking towards you with "the look" on her face.
@TheToddWilliams: [desert island diary - day 1]
4:15 pm: Got one call out of my cell phone before it died. Now I wait.
5:25 pm: That pizza is definitely free
@lazerdoov: I like to picture my mom in the middle of the crowd at a Wu Tang concert, hands on her hips, just shouting grammar corrections back at them
@jay_as_hell: choose one to drop:
3. out of college
4. the assault charges
5. that thun thun thun