@BadCoq: Do you think it's possible to train a hedgehog to walk up an down the table with cubes of cheese on it's spikes? I'm giving a dinner party.
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@desiswaaag: HOW I DRESS FOR UNIVERSITY First day of the week: brad pitt Last day of the week: homeless druggie
@grimpossible: Just gave the Earth a one-star rating and a bad review on TripAdvisor to discourage any aliens that were planning an invasion.
@InternetHippo: Me: I am a taxpayer. I pay your salary. You work for ME Waiter who’s refusing to bring me extra rolls: None of that is true
@RogueGod: After two divorces, I think I've found the key to a successful marriage. Don't marry a c**t.