@BadCoq: Do you think it's possible to train a hedgehog to walk up an down the table with cubes of cheese on it's spikes? I'm giving a dinner party.
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@fro_vo: [First Date] Me: so can I see you again? Her: I had a nice time but I don’t think so Me: *stops holding in stomach*
@INDlAN_: *lost in China* Friend: ask that man where we are Me [pretending to speak Chinese with a local]: xian chan sēn F: well? Me: we’re in China
@AdderallMomma: Nobody warned me that my child could possibly develop an attitude similar to mine.
@mommy_cusses: Person: Hi, my name is *my brain plays 3 seconds of air horn* Me: I'm sorry, what was that? Person: I'm *air horn* Me: Again? Person: