@5hael: Do you think it's weird that the only reason we still have landlines is so cops in movies can wake each other up in the middle of night?
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@1Happytwit: Firemen are always really friendly, until they figure out it was you that started the fire.
@tsm560: My ex-girlfriend is getting divorced from my ex-best friend and I didn't think it was possible to be this happy.
@IamEnidColeslaw: it's fun to yell CHEESE! at a group of girls and watch them switch to their Facebook Poses
@mulliganstewed: As soon as my daughter realizes Jamacians, Irish, & wizards don't all have the same accent, I'm probably going to get fired from storytime.