@JermHimselfish: Do you think Lil' Wayne went to the tattoo parlor and said "Make my face look like an 8th grade girls trapper keeper"?
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@KenJennings: Steal your neighbors' garden gnome. Send them a series of photos of the gnome lurking near various truck stop men's rooms.
@BigBagOfScum: the restraining order doesn't mean we can't hang, it just means I can't be within 50'. We could still play catch or frisbee or something...
@stephenjmolloy: Me: Got my finger stuck in this beer bottle. Wife: How?! M: Just help me. W: Have you tried butter? M: It's delicious. Now will you help me?