@Karate_Horse: do you think my parents divorced because I'm too handsome like they said
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@Reverend_Scott: Police: We'd like u to come with us to answer some questions about ur husband's disappearance. Mrs. Potato Head eating french fries: why?
@Darlainky: *puts PLEASE SPEAK AS LOUDLY AS POSSIBLE WHEN ORDERING sign on drive-thru* *watches people scream into the box* That’ll teach them to get my order wrong.
@DryDickRando: Hello sir. Your toddler called me a 'stinky poopyhead' at the store. I've spent 6 days formulating a comeback, and I'd like to own him now.