@caperbc75: Do you think the guy responsible for squirting water in NFL players' mouths has "rehydration specialist" listed on his LinkedIn profile?
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@TheHyyyype: CONDUCTOR: all aboard! ME: i'm pretty bored CONDUCTOR: no, i meant everyone on the train ME: oh, i'm sure they're bored too
@JennyJohnsonHi5: My mom (seriously) asked if my friend's brother "still had down syndrome." No mother, he walked it off.
@joe_binkley: Chopped: College Edition. "In your mystery basket: Ramen Noodles, coffee, crippling debt, a worthless degree. Chefs, you have 30 minutes."
@upsidedowntrash: Link: [plays 'Song of Time'] Zelda: No no that's all wrong! There's no E in that melody. Link: [plays 'Song of Tim']