@InternetHippo: "Do you want to have fun but also get more mad than you've ever been in your life?" - video games
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@RoosterMustache: HER: I love sweater weather ME: *holding up an umbrella to protect us from falling sweaters* It's that time of year again already?!
@joejwest: DATE: You hear that an ostrich escaped from the zoo? ME: [from the kitchen] No DATE: Oh. What's for dinner? ME: A suspiciously large chicken
@Dishy2101: I used to think LOL meant lots of love. Oh! You're Aunt died? So sorry. LOL! Took me years to rebuild friendships.