@pleatedjeans: [doc pulls baby out of mom and immediately slides it under his shirt] oh no NOW I'M PREGNANT haha no [pulls it out] just kidding here you go
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@ProudFFAalumni: My son's taking French and my daughter is learning sign language and now I have no idea what anyone's talking about anymore.
@craigrachel: The dogboner /Neil degrasse Tyson situation has been an elaborate ruse all so Michael hale could claim on gawker that he has a girlfriend
@randomlawless: When you get to my age, your milkshake still brings boys to the yard, but they're like "I'm lactose intolerant."