@mydmac: Doctor: are you sexually active?
Me: why, what have you heard?
@jordan_stratton: The best part of Robocop is when they spent billions of dollars making a cyborg super soldier instead of helping Detroit not be awful.
@anna5skin: my mom and my little brother switched phones and my mom received this text and I am crying lmaooo
@benicus_rex: If you ask a police dog if he's a good boy, legally he has to tell you.
@AlanFelyk: Personal Trainer: Show me the hardest thing that you do each day.
Me: *Goes out front door of gym, comes back in*
@ghostkrogh: [pearly gates]
st peter: welcome everybody-
*i run up and slam dunk an imaginary ball thru his halo and then hang on it like it's the rim*