@crabgirl_: *Getting a tattoo* Me(to tattoo artist)-Do you ever make the bzzz-sounds with your mouth when you're using a regular pen on your spare time?

@jake_lach: Real men don't run from problems, they fix them. Unless it's really scary

@HenpeckedHal: My brother just found out he's having another kid. He's playing it pretty cool, but let's see how his wife reacts when she finds out.

@dubstep4dads: [sees kid crying] Kid: Im lost Me: that's ok. We're all lost. Happiness is an illusion. Life is meaningless. Death is around the corner. Bye

@tayandmae: My boyfriend and I got couples tattoos today!!!! PLEASE do not tell my husband