@ericsshadow: DOCTOR: [holding $5 bill] what's this for?
ME: it's a tip
DOCTOR: okay but you're still dying
ME: [hands him another $5 bill]
![DOCTOR: [holding $5 bill] what’s this for?
ME: it’s a tip
DOCTOR: okay but you’re still dying
ME: [hands him another $5 bill]](/cache/98179.jpg)
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@MelvinofYork: It's bad enough that I have to die someday, having my whole life flash before my eyes first just seems excessive
@Reverend_Scott: Trainer: what are your goals? Me: to pet all the dogs Trainer: no, fitness goals Me: to be able to run fast enough to pet all the dogs
@ShortSleeveSuit: [at a movie theater] Cashier: Can I help u? Me: One large cornpop please C: Sir it’s the other way around Me: Ok- can I help u?
@BertCarrillo: Surprise your girlfriend by hiding in her trunk until you're dead.
@POTerritory: Him: So what do you do? Me (hoping to save up for some bushes at the edge of my property): I run a hedge fund.
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