@sonictyrant: Date: *sees my guitar case* oh you play? Me: i dabble *opens guitar case to reveal violin case* Date: um Me: *opens violin case to reveal kazoo* Date: actually i just remembered i'm married

@Im_Tricia: Mom: "Do you want this?" Me: "No." Mom: "Ok I'll give it to your brother." Me: "No I want it."

@sixfootcandy: I just found my first full length gray hair. If anyone needs me, I'll be at the senior center playing bingo.

@QwertyJones3: But my sandwich is so dry! "Sorry sir, that's not what we do here at the Mayo Clinic."

@Thereeveryday: Spiders: Nature's reminder that you are, in fact, a little girl.