@Not_From_Troy: Doctor! Is it normal to have one leg longer than the other two?
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@JohnFugelsang: If god didn't like sex, He wouldn't make us scream His name when it's really hot.
@ActuallyEmerson: Gay guys don't listen to girls talk either, but we do have the good sense to say "I know, right?!" while we wait for our turn to talk.
@leshnevsky: Me: - Sweetie, why is the bottle of whiskey half empty? Wife: - Because you're a pessimist, honey!