@lakeanagirl: Doctor said only clear liquids before surgery. Vodka should qualify just fine.
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@DaddyBeerGuy: Arguing with a woman is like being attacked by a bear... You're better off playing dead and hoping they get bored and walk away!
@EmilyFreestone1: *boyfriend and girlfriend in shower* Girl: do bad things to me babe Boy: *flicks shampoo in her eyes and trips her over*
@InternetHippo: [greeting aliens] Hello, we are the smartest animals on this planet. Every week we give the grass a little haircut