@lakeanagirl: Doctor said only clear liquids before surgery. Vodka should qualify just fine.
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@AndyAsAdjective: KIDS: [from the kitchen] dad…may we have ice cream? ME: no you may not [long pause] K: dad…may we be forgiven if we already had ice cream?
@iamhorcrux: Grading system for students in India: A - Average B - Below average C - Can't have dinner D - Don't come home F - Find a new family