@lakeanagirl: Doctor said only clear liquids before surgery. Vodka should qualify just fine.
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@stephenjmolloy: *registering with a doctor* Receptionist: "Thanks for filling in the form - you've missed the next of kin section" *batman runs out crying*
@brokeymcpoverty: reasons white people riot: 1. their sports team wins 2. their sports team loses 3. no more tickle me elmos 4. tea 5. pumpkins
@teacup_giraffe: My friends won't get margaritas with me anymore because I get drunk & start saying everything is "mexillent".