@lakeanagirl: Doctor said only clear liquids before surgery. Vodka should qualify just fine.
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@djderk: Suicide terrorists: jokes on you! Virgins totally suck. Have fun jerking off while she cries.
@WeissBrandon: I get it short people, I get it. Oooops sorry typo, I'll get it short people, I'll get it.
@jergarl: Wife:Have you seen the bag of dog treats? Me:*flashback of drunk me eating what I thought was a bag of beef jerky.. No? W: Really? Idiot.