@LuvPug: Doctor: serious side effects of this medication can include death
Me: I'll take it
@IntrepidDeviant: I bet all the cool math nerds call each other algebros.
@eliserose5: I need some sugar. Not the stupid kind that gives you mono, but the good kind that gives you diabetes.
@dafloydsta: DOCTOR: I'm afraid I've got bad news
ME: *pulls an apple from pocket*
DOCTOR: *sweating* GOOD NEWS, I MEANT GOOD NEWS
@LeBearGirdle: Guy at door: How would you like to make a donation to our local orphanage?
Dad: yea sure [yells up to me] son, you live with this guy now!
@thebeckyard: "Mom, you need to calm down with how much cheese you've been buying."
*silently writes him out of my will*