@LuvPug: Doctor: serious side effects of this medication can include death
Me: I'll take it
@MyTweetLilLife: I am much less afraid of jail when I'm drunk.
@HeelyHanson: Will you marry me?
'Is a marriage proposal'
Will, you, Mary, me?
'A foursome inquiry'
@iamspacegirl: God *up on a chair, shrieking*: GET IT GET IT
Mrs God: You know they're more afraid of you than you are of them *gently sweeps man outside*
@Mikecanrant: *puts baby marshmallows on a porcupine*
There you go little guy. Now you're bouncy.
@madamezooble: Next time someone knocks on your bathroom stall say "Sorry, I'm with a client."