@Kauaibride: Doctor told me I need glasses. So I'm having several tonite.
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@JohnHilsen: Of course climate change is man-made. It's all been meticulously orchestrated by the Titanic survivors, seeking revenge on that iceberg.
@mellimelle: Find a penny, pick it up. All day long you'll wtf, that thing is filthy. Wash your hands immediately.
@timdonakowski: My new career path: 1. Learn soccer 2. Move to Ghana 3. Become the Jackie Robinson of Ghanaian soccer
@ClichedOut: *getting murdered* Me: *pointing to murderer's t-shirt* Ha ha, you went to a Justin Bieber concert