@daemonic3: Doctor told me I only have 6 months to live, maybe 12 if I get enough likes on Facebook.
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@wittwitbarista: Ever notice how pathetically lonely you are when the person in the next bathroom stall completely ignores your knock knock joke?
@XplodingUnicorn: I follow anyone who has "18+" in their bio. I'm waiting for them to post the second half of the math problem.
@NikiWithIssues: Stretching and yawning at the same time might not look so sexy but it looks like you're a Pokemon evolving so that's cool.
@BadAssB48546279: Headed to police station to go through mugshots for a date tonight. I don't trust ChristianMingle.