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@stephenjmolloy: Doctor: "You have a hip injury."
Me: "I am very trendy."
@imchriskelly: Someone just tweeted something vague that made me think a celeb had died so I googled "dead." No dice! Thank god---hang in there, celebs!
@hazelmotes1: Me: This painting really speaks to me.
Mona Lisa: You do way too many drugs.
@primawesome: Did you know there's a type of spider that eats snails and uses the shell as armor to attack birds? That's not true. I'm sorry.
@MrAdamBez: Lol at birds that walk places.
@atDevin: "sorry sorry sorry reallysorry reallysorry sorry" - remorse code