@ShtFatGirlsSay: Doctors say eating a piece of Bacon takes 9 mins off your life...if my math is correct i died in 1781
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@dksc4life: It was awkward to see the "World's Greatest Driver" bumper sticker on my car when it got pulled out of the lake today.
@KeetPotato: [petting friend's new guidedog] so how did you get here? "he brought me" wow [later in bed w/ wife] did you know dave's dog can drive a car?
@IGotsSmarts: HOT SINGLES IN YOUR AREA ARE BEING TURNED INTO GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICHES RIGHT NOW!
@The_Sculptress: Remember that time when you didn't call, & a giraffe round house kicked your neck, & you fell off a merry-go-round & died?nnSo sad. Really.