@juneohara65: Doctors who expect me to pee on command, I'm not some kind of stunt pee-er, you know.
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@skillsmcgill: Save money on laser removal of 'love hate' knuckle tattoos, by changing the last letter to an 's' and developing an interest in millinery.
@goldengateblond: Anyone who says cheetahs are the fastest land mammals hasn't seen me move a cat off an expensive area rug before he pukes.
@TheTweetOfGod: Traditional marriage was between a boy's parents and a girl's parents. And maybe some cattle.
@PopSlapFunk: Dudes that only Retweet chicks: Your mom just called. Down to the basement. Come upstairs. Your dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets are ready.