@juneohara65: Doctors who expect me to pee on command, I'm not some kind of stunt pee-er, you know.
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@Overxposd: My Executive Director said to me "Well aren't you an eager beaver" I was like "Oh my God, Why? What have you heard???"
@ch000ch: just got mad and flipped a table but it spun all the way around in landed right side up. everyone in Applebee's is clapping
@PaperWash: dad: I AM VERY DISAPPOINTED IN YOU YOUNG MAN son: HI VERY DISAPPOINTED IN YOU YOUNG MAN IM GREG dad: omg [sheds a tear]
@jimmytorosian: Don't drop the soap in prison because someone might steal your soap and then you will be "the dirty guy" and no one will have sex with you