@kirahesser: Documentaries not only expand my world views, but also compel me to change my behavior for a solid 24-36 hours.
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@MissNaughty1801: Neighbour: if your son doesn't stop playing drums right now I'll lose my mind!! Me: too late...he's stopped half an hour ago
@maisonwithapen: ME: hey guys what's the herps? HIM: u mean haps? M: oh, haha yea. what's the itch?—I mean sitch H: uh M: hows it herpin? H: M: I have herpes
@Sassafrantz: A bride just said "today I'm marrying my best friend" it's like hey great choice, because marrying your mortal enemy seems risky & dangerous
@SmartassChef: Nothing freaks me out like trying to remember which brownies I packed in my son's lunch box