@3sunzzz: Dodgeball in gym class...
because life wasn't already hard enough when I was 12.
@FormerGrunt: An apple a day will keep anyone away if you throw it hard enough.
@daemonic3: "Always bring a nail file, scissors, tweezers, a corkscrew, a toothpick and a bottle opener to a knife fight"
- The Swiss Army
@eTHEgoddess: Sometimes, when I'm bored, I tell my mother-in-law to relax.
@iwearaonesie: wife: know what today is?
wife: on 2
together: 1, 2
wife: Happy Anniver..
me: 3 MONTHS UNTIL..
@squirrel74wkgn: My wife looks like the cats in those cucumber videos when she turns around & sees me naked.