@3sunzzz: Dodgeball in gym class...
because life wasn't already hard enough when I was 12.
@freypalm: “I just can’t help myself!”
—paramedic on his deathbed
@Jade_VK: "I can't believe we're selling this house. So many memories. Man, if walls could talk..."
WALL: "I saw you vacuum up your kid's hamster."
@TheBoydP: If it's so good why can't I find a single car wash that carries the Brazilian wax thingy you guys keep tweeting about?
@thestlouisan: I told you to act natural while I paint. Why are you guys all sitting on the same side of the table?
@SteveKoehler22: Why do they say "break a leg !" to actors ?
If you said "tear an ACL !" to a star athlete,
you'd be shot on the spot.