@3sunzzz: Dodgeball in gym class...
because life wasn't already hard enough when I was 12.
@JediGigi: Him: When I suggested we try a little role play, this is not what I had in mind
Me: [in Jabba the Hutt costume] JUST PUT ON THE GOLD BIKINI
@jonny_is_good: Im the victim of an office bathroom power move. My guy used both air dryers to dry his hands while I just stood there like a wet handed fool
@Sickayduh: Single guy
"I can't do anything right."
"I can't do anything, right?"
@better_off_dad: *phone rings
Menacing voice: ‘Have you checked the children?’
Me: ‘Can you do it?’
@jimmy_sharpe: Poodles are just angry clouds with legs.