@TheRealJackDee: Does anyone have the number of a painter/decorator? I really need to get all my windows jammed so they never open again.
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@CauseWereGuys: My roommate is 3 days younger than me so ive gotten in the habit of saying “when i was your age..” and then describing what i did 3 days ago
@timdonakowski: *stops next to punks at red light* *stares them down, turns up The Walking Dead opening music* *light turns green, slowly accelerates*
@Reverend_Scott: How to end an interview: 1. Thank them for their time. 2. Shake their hand firmly. 3. Firmer. 4. Firmer yet. 5. BREAK HIS HAND YOU MUST WIN
@SortaBad: Last month my mom asked what "af" meant and I said it meant "like REALLY something" without saying what it stood for