@tweetingdouche: Does anyone know how the lady reacted when Van Gogh gave her his ear? Was it positive? Cause I'm running out of ideas for gifts.
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@BrianIncognito: I was dismissed from my responsibilities as church usher because I kept using finger guns to point out available seats. * pew pew *
@HatfieldAnne: When you offer me cookies, act surprised when I take one. Declare loudly you’ve never seen me eat dessert before.
@RoosterMustache: [having sex] ME: oh yeah do you like that HER: faster! ME: *like an auctioneer* doyoulikethat-isee$5foryes-$5foryes-doisee$10-$10foryes