@Cryptoterra: Does anyone know how to save your game on twitter I've been playing for 2 years straight my mom is pissed
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@JennyJohnsonHi5: If I got arrested I'd ask for one tweet instead of a phone call because none of my friends answer their goddamn phones.
@XplodingUnicorn: [terrible nursing home] Old guy: How did you end up here? Elderly me: I made my kids steak instead of hot dogs. Him: *gasps* You monster.
@stevevsninjas: Mom Octopus: *opens bedroom door* What's up? Son Octopus: *slams laptop* Nothing! Mom Octopus: YOU BETTER NOT BE LOOKING AT PRAWN AGAIN
@Reverend_Scott: Carl: Perfect weather tonight. Me: Tell me something I don't know. Carl: Butterflies taste with their feet. Me: Fair enough.