@vvvolte: does anyone know what to do if you carve a pumpkin that is too scary. i cant go in my kitchen
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@LnL245: I secretly gave our Waffle House waitress a $100 tip and my family can't figure out why she's crying & hugging me & trying to get in our car
@CornerPubRon: After years of intense research, I have come to the conclusion that dryer lint is actually the cremated remains of all my other socks.
@KenJennings: just said "Deep Homo" by accident instead of "Home Depot" & am tryingnto laugh it off oops they're watching me tweet now gotta go
@StevenAmiri: Keep "Christ in "Christopher Lloyd" because without it, he'd be "Opher Lloyd" and that sounds like "overlord." Huh? I'll have a Sprite.