@AndyAsAdjective: Does the employee manual say I CAN'T set up my camping tent inside my cubicle? No? Then please step outside & zip the door up behind you.
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@KalvinMacleod: [me, in a sting operation] Can I buy your best stuff? DRUG DEALER: what do u mean by stuff? *talking into my shirt* what do I mean by stuff?
@decentbirthday: God: U have to build an ark to save the animals from a tsunami Noah: But you're god, can't you just stop the tsunami God: *loves boats* No
@ddrwg: [Riding a saddled turtle] BATTLE TORTOISE, GOOOO!! [turtle just goes normal speed for turtles] Aww man.