@NervousJr: Does "who cares" count as advice?
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@joejwest: I'm going to freeze some of my sperm so that if something goes wrong later in life, I can kill my nemesis with a disgusting icicle.
@spacej_me: Some people have sex to make a baby but I prefer the old fashioned way of capturing a wild baby, and that's how I ended up in jail
@LurkAtHomeMom: Toddler: *crying bc it isn't her turn with the princess crown* Me: Sweetie, you need to share Husband: Just give her the crown, you're 35
@salamingia: My wife said I'm picky. I said obviously not picky enough. Anyone need a roommate tonight?