@heatherjs: Does your wife know you're single?
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@DadandBuried: 6yo: What's for dinner? Me: Pork medallions. 6: I HATE THOSE! Me: I'll give you $1000 if you can tell me what either pork or medallions are.
@UncleDuke1969: Hello! Is it me you're looking for? Hello! Is it me you're looking for? Hello! Is it me you're looking for? (Lionel Richie, speed dating)
@sara_ashlynn: I broke a lightbulb, smashed artwork, splattered milk from cereal bowls across kitchen walls and knocked over candles. Fly is dead.
@raydevito: If Kim Kardashian is allowed to sue Old Navy b/c a model looks like her, then Khloe Kardashian should expect a lawsuit from Chewbacca.