@AndyAsAdjective: Dog shampoo was on sale & cheaper than my normal shampoo so it looks like I'm going to have a shiny, healthy coat for the next few weeks.
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@1Happytwit: Firemen are always really friendly, until they figure out it was you that started the fire.
@IamEveryDayPpl: Boss: "Do you have a Twitter account?" Me: "Umm... Yo no hablo inglès." Boss: "Tienes una cuenta de Twitter?" Me: *fakes a seizure*
@JohnLyonTweets: Shout-out to smartphones for eliminating tedious tasks from our lives like reading books or watching the road when we drive.