@fro_vo: Dog Teacher: did you finish your homework
Dog Student: (still chewing) almost
@sarcasm_inc: Bouncer: Woah. Dress code
Me: This is a suit
B: Yeah, a chicken suit.
*puts nugget in bouncer's pocket
M: We good?
B: Have fun, sir
@Tormny_Pickeals: *passes thru suburbs* roll up ur window, son. this is a bad neighborhood. this is where ppl who comment on newspaper articles live
@ArfMeasures: WIFE: Carol's hubby gives her flowers EVERY day. I'd LOVE u to do that
ME [giving Carol flowers] No I don't get it either
@Playing_Dad: If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you you may be in love with a boomerang.
@_youhadonejob: Honest advertising.