@LostInMyWorld97: Dog tried taking me for a run. I wasn't having it. I made her drag me the whole time.
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@3sunzzz: Me: I can't believe we have $900 for Christmas gifts this year! Fridge: I don't feel well. I think I have a fever.
@PissingLaughter: Fake moms- 'I never want to be away from my children' Real moms- 'You drop that pizza, I'll put you up for adoption'
@generaldietz: Spiderman: Can I be in The Avengers now? Captain America: Um sure. Spiderman: What should I do? Iron Man: You're in charge of web design.