@DoogieHorner: Dogs are "practice babies" and cats are "practice ex-girlfriends you still have to share an apartment with."
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@therealeatwood: ME: Um, I specifically requested Mary. BLOODY CARLA: Listen, do you want your eyes clawed out or not?
@Br00klyn_BeAr: Do girls imagine themselves sucking in a invisible spaghetti when they're about to take a picture?
@MondayPajamas: My new phone has fingerprint recognition security technology and now I can't open my phone unless I'm eating fried chicken