@SamReidSays: Dogs are probably really excited about dog sledding before they find out what it actually is.
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@JDBBourg: Doctor: You can only have clear liquids after midnight Me: Sure no problem Doctor: Not white wine Me:
@TheDailySchmuck: I'm black but not " can't understand the Winter Olympics" black. Those guys in the ski race are running from cops on a bobsled, right?
@JermHimselfish: Sorry I didn't text you back, my hands are sore from karate chopping loaves of bread in half and feeding them to starving children all day.
@Sickayduh: Me: *goes to jail for murdering coworkers* Boss: You're still coming in early tomorrow, right?