@Mr_Kapowski: Dogs that belong to homeless people must think "just say you're sorry dude and we can sleep inside tonight"
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@karlainvt: It's so cute how my kids think I'm going to go look for them after I finish counting to ten.
@Carbosly: Did you know pigs have orgasms that last 30 minutes? This is God thanking them for bacon.
@matt___nelson: Hate your job as a calendar maker?Need a way to get fired? Easy. ( •_•) ( •_•)>⌐■-■ (⌐■_■) Just take a day off
@ScorpionDong: The easiest way to get rid of a ghost is to ask him for some rent money or to help with the dishes