@Beerhaze: Doing the splits is easy -- slip on the first snowy step when taking the dog out and let gravity (and panic) make you an Olympic gymnast!
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@EndhooS: GF: I'm leaving you Me: WHAT? WHY? GF: You're too afraid to take risks Me: [Softening Doritos under a tap before eating them] THATS BULLSHIT
@pembdave: Woke up this morning and the alarm clock was laughing at me....then I realized it was upside down and the time was 7:07
@lucyworld1: If you weren't supposed to eat 15 Oreos in one sitting, they wouldn't package them in rows of 15.