@Social_Mime: Doing word problems as a kid as helped me in adulthood. "Dan doesn't have enough money for his bills, how long before he is homeless?"
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@hpb777: 6yo wants to "have a conversation" with the class bully's parents. Either he's mature beyond his years or he's a mobster.
@kelkulus: Sometimes at the gym I'll struggle and make all kinds of awkward grunting sounds, but eventually I'll get my shorts on.
@Cheeseboy22: My arm could be chopped off and I could be covering the wound with paper towels and my wife would be like, "Too many. You're wasting them!"