@kelkulus: Dolls have given us an unrealistic image of women. For example, Russian women do not contain smaller Russian women inside them.
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@omgthatspunny: My girlfriend always gets her way by pretending she's sad. She's an expert in sighcology.
@aveuaskew: Is this one haunted? "No" What about that one? "Ma'am, none of the booze is haunted" What kind of wine and spirits store is this?!
@Brianhopecomedy: Walked into the kitchen and saw my wife laughing while putting a banana in the garbage disposal so I think I'll sleep in the other room.
@BDGarp: Me: Have fun on your date. Son: What if she drinks too much, or gets high? Me: You really aren't my kid are you?