@kimlockhartga: Dolly Madison should make snack cakes for diet "cheat days" and call them Ashley Madisons.
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@nachdermas: gonna take up jogging again, not to be healthier but to increase my chances of being murdered in the woods
@PaperWash: Perfect Date: 1) Get kids out of the house 2) Light some candles 3) Burn the house down 4) Collect the insurance 5) Take her somewhere nice
@daveexplosm: Dogs lick each other's butts to tell each other they like them. Just like politicians