@ohthatbadger: Donald Duck is far too angry for somebody who never has to suffer pants.
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@Tommytoughstuff: "Have a seat" *Turns on video of son eating pizza with a fork and knife.* "Dad I..." **Dad puts up hand* "Please don't call me that."
@tigersgoroooar: Not to brag, but I just bought Eggland's best eggs from the grocery store. Their BEST eggs. I got them.
@OfficeLinebcker: A: Just had to explain the difference between "mute" and "moot" to a younger co-worker. Q: Why am I drinking out of a flask at work?