@bobvulfov: DONALD TRUMP (45 minutes into watching wall-e): this film is not what i hoped it would be
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@decentbirthday: *dancing with the stars* *all of a sudden there's a fault in our stars* me(to stars): what the hell guys? we practiced this! *star wars*
@tarashoe: A WOMAN: i've only been washing my hair ME: IN THE OFFICE BATHROOM SINK!! ME TOO!! THE WOMAN: once a ME: ONCE I WAKE UP I KNOW SAME ME TOO!!
@shutupmikeginn: I wish I were an octopus so that the answer to all of my problems would be, 'change color and escape in a cloud of ink'
@philyuck: The Molotov cocktail is of course named after Vitaly Molotov, an 18th century Russian industrialist who exploded after being thrown at a car