@citizenkawala: Donald Trump has all the resources to be Batman. Instead, he chooses to be Donald Trump.
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@slimmy_shady: When I have a daughter I'm naming her Leroy. No guy will ever say "Yo bro I hooked up with Leroy last night" how would that sound?
@david8hughes: [mattress store] Me: bet u get a lot of losers asking which ones are piss proof huh Clerk: not really Me: what would u recommend to them tho
@david8hughes: [family game night] Me: do u understand now, grandma? U understand the rules now? Mum [tappin my shoulder]: she gets it. Loosen the headlock