@briangaar: Donald Trump is basically the villain in every anime so I assume he'll be defeated by a 13-year-old boy in short pants
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@david8hughes: [son hands me a picture he painted] Me: what's this Son: it's our house Me: have you ever actually looked at our house
@TheWoodenslurpy: I'd like to meet a failed scientist, like I do writers. "I science on the weekends and for free sometimes. I think of it more as a hobby."
@Brampersandon_: ME: need help? GIRL (having car trouble): could u give me a jump ME: *inflating the bounce house I keep in my trunk* I thought u'd never ask
@joshgondelman: If I have a son, he's going to be named Alvin Simon Theodore, and it'll be funny as hell whenever anyone gets mad and yells his full name.