@hipstermermaid: Donald Trump is like the "Scream" movies in that he blurs the line between comedy and horror.
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@OBiiieeee: *i finally get a girl over* *dad rolls out from under my bed* YO SON WHATA YA CALL A PIG WHO DOES KARATE? "dad no" A PORK CHOP
@neiltyson: There are two kinds of people in the world: Those who divide everybody into two kinds of people, and those who don't.
@ShittingtonUK: Disliking the social justice crowd is to hating social justice as disliking the song "We Are the World" is to hating starving children.
@djdarrellripley: Her: You have very beautiful hair. Me: Oh, you flirt! *Hands me her card* Her: If you're ever thinking about selling it, call me...