@bazecraze: Donald Trump was born when someone put a pinkie ring in a bag of Cheetos and left it in a lightning storm.
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@Brianhopecomedy: My 5 year old is looking all over the house for his drumsticks but he won't have any luck finding them without a shovel.
@Ideal_Victoria: Friend: I'm surprised to see you eating a salad. Me: *empties bag of chocolate chips over it*