@Australianimal: Taken 4: Liam Neeson's daughter is kidnapped again. He calls up kidnappers and says "just keep her. She's annoying and I'm tired of this"

@GaryJanetti: When I was in my twenties we didn't have hipsters we had AIDS, which was almost as bad.

@sickipediabot: Apparently the meteor passed within 17,000 miles of the planet last night. Nearly as far away as my wife parks from the kerb.

@CauseWereGuys: The name CONstitution sounds so negative. Since 'pro' is the opposite of 'con' we should call it prosti..... oh wait.

@HomeProbably: It's funny how my doorbell starts working when I'm expecting a pizza delivery.