@LindaInDisguise: Done with dating sites. I'm now focusing on pizza delivery guys because at least I know they have a job, a car, and pizza.
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@icrushedmyhalo: Boss: Lunch meeting, let's go. Me: Do I have to? Boss: Free food and unlimited alcohol. Me: *moonwalks to the car*
@SnizzleFrizzle: Daughter: Mom, there's a man outside. Me: Get the net!
@hogrider05: My boss is having a colonoscopy today. I sure hope they find his head.
@HardmanRick: Hold me closer, tiny dancer. Oh my... not that close. I can't breathe. How are you so strong? LET ME GO TINY DANCER
@girlwithatail: My Google searches read like an alien trying learn how to be a person.
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