Done with dating sites. I'm now focusing on pizza delivery guys because at least I know they have a job, a car, and pizza.

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@LindaInDisguise: Done with dating sites. I'm now focusing on pizza delivery guys because at least I know they have a job, a car, and pizza.

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@Mr_Mike_Clarke: Retweet to save a life. #NationalGirlfriendDay

@tastefactory: When I was going into surgery my dad said "Good luck w/ your surgery" and I said "you too" so now my dad has to get surgery too, he's pissed

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@RobDenBleyker: Whoever got my Steam account for Christmas plz realize those Japanese dress up games are for research only, I don't enjoy them. Plz understa

@UnFitz: Pro tip: Win every food fight by throwing heavy, dense frozen items.

@jake_likes_naps: I'm so committed to pizza that I've stopped wearing a condom when I eat it.

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