@lazerdoov: Don't ask a pregnant lady "do you know the sex?" obviously she knows about sex she's pregnant you stupid idiot
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@YosefHawel: Most young lives are lost not because of seat belts, but because the defibrillator needs you to sign into Facebook first.
@david8hughes: [1st day as lifeguard] Guy: there's someone drowning in the water Me [not looking up from phone]: well it'd be hard to drown in the sand